Lost

I have spent this year trying to uncover and examine myself in search of self acceptance. It has been an amazing time for me. I have experienced such growth. Yet I find myself today utterly alone and vulnerable. All this self examination can unearth things you sometimes wish would stay hidden. I came face to face with a part of myself I am struggling to understand. I thought I had moved beyond this part of me but it has resurfaced. I don’t need or want to give details…it comes down to my feelings of self worth. I can’t seem to break through to understand this. Each time I feel I gained ground life brings something new along and I discover that there is still more work to be done.

I lost something today and my heart is breaking. I feel the only way to move beyond the pain is to let it go and move on but in this I am not sure. I feel in walking away from it I am giving up an opportunity to learn and grow. But I don’t know if I can stand the pain and the heart ache I think I would have to endure. I don’t know what to do.

Griffen is blossoming while I flounder by his side. I can see the me that is together doing all that I need to do…he is just out of reach though and I feel like my feet are moving through molasses

I can see myself put one foot in front of the other and move on from this place but today…right now…I feel like I have lost so much ground. Each moment from now I will gain more momentum and look back on this day but now all I can think of what I have lost…I hurt.